My Testimoney part I
Posted by Courtney Franz on Friday, August 22, 2014
Under: G-SUS
I'm not the girl I was four years ago, in fact if you had met her you wouldn't understand how I am me. Not just met who I used to be on the outside, but what was infecting me through the inside. In 8th grade my family had joined a new church and I began to understand who he was, so I decided to get baptized for the second time. That was one of the best decisions I could have ever made.
A month after I began my first relationship with a boy who lived out of town, I knew him through my cousin who was in middle school with him. We went on our first date to my cousin's musical and started dating. A week later he was my first kiss in the Red Lobster parking lot, not so romantic, but I was in love. This entire time though, I had liked my guy best friend, and as soon as he found out I had my first kiss he was jealous and asked me out, so being naive I dumped the boy out of town and dated my guy best friend. It was only a week before it got awkward and we broke up, and our friendship had been ruined.
I cried that cold December night and to my surprise my ex out of town had texted me wanting to get back together, I said yes. I went to my cousins town and visited for a week before new years and saw my boyfriend multiple times. My cousin and I then threw a huge party and of course my boyfriend was there. We had kissed a lot and around 2am he picked me up and twirled me again and kissed me goodbye. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see him again.
We dated for another month before he dumped me saying that we were to far apart and to young. By this time I had already planned out my wedding and future with my first true love. I had invested so much into him that when we broke up I fell apart. The blackness began to sink in. Depression attacked my heart. I began avoiding school, wearing black and hiding from my friends. At the time my Best Friend and I were fighting because she was cheating on her boyfriend with my guy best friend who was also her boyfriends best friend. I couldn't stand to talk to her anymore and we fell apart. By this time I was completely alone. Every day after school I would slip home and fall into a coma of tears. The depression attacked me so hard I began to cut myself again and again with bobby pins. I was still involved in church at this point but I wasn't encountering Christ like all the people around me. At this time my church began to start a book series about the prodigal son.
If you don't know the story its about a son who asks his father for his inheritance even though his father is still alive. His dad gives it to him and the son leaves and spends it on hores and ungodly things. Then a famine comes across the land and the son has no money so he goes to work for a farmer as a slave and realizes that he is getting paid less than what his own father payed his servants. He then decides to return to his father's house and beg to be a servant. Although when he gets there his father runs to him and hugs him and throws him a party because his son has returned.
Throughout this entire series we were analyzing this chapter and the significance in life groups. I was in one and didn't speak often. I did relate significantly to the story though, I was trying to go to God or the Father for my depression but I wasn't getting any response. I was really frusterated. Then one night a member of the group brought a song. It was "Hold my heart" by Tenth Avenue North. This song hit home. It was exactly what I was feeling, I was crying to God and I just wanted him to say my name.
That night when I got home I cried like usual and around 1am I was listening to Hold My Heart on repeat. I got so frusterated with God that I decided to take my own life. I convinced myself saying if I killed myself I could be in heaven and all this pain would be over. So I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, I prayed to God and just as I was about to thrust the knife into my heart, I heard my name. It was a voice I had never heard before. I called out to my parents to see if it was them, but no one answered. At that moment I knew who it was, it was God. He had called my name, MY NAME. I fell down to the floor and began to cry of happiness. At that point my depression had begun to leak out of me, and I didn't need a knife to get rid of the pain, I needed God.
I began to pursue God from that point on, but I still got lost. This is where the second part of my testimony starts in my next post. Here are some pictures of me when I was that age so you can see the difference.
A month after I began my first relationship with a boy who lived out of town, I knew him through my cousin who was in middle school with him. We went on our first date to my cousin's musical and started dating. A week later he was my first kiss in the Red Lobster parking lot, not so romantic, but I was in love. This entire time though, I had liked my guy best friend, and as soon as he found out I had my first kiss he was jealous and asked me out, so being naive I dumped the boy out of town and dated my guy best friend. It was only a week before it got awkward and we broke up, and our friendship had been ruined.
I cried that cold December night and to my surprise my ex out of town had texted me wanting to get back together, I said yes. I went to my cousins town and visited for a week before new years and saw my boyfriend multiple times. My cousin and I then threw a huge party and of course my boyfriend was there. We had kissed a lot and around 2am he picked me up and twirled me again and kissed me goodbye. Little did I know that would be the last time I would ever see him again.
We dated for another month before he dumped me saying that we were to far apart and to young. By this time I had already planned out my wedding and future with my first true love. I had invested so much into him that when we broke up I fell apart. The blackness began to sink in. Depression attacked my heart. I began avoiding school, wearing black and hiding from my friends. At the time my Best Friend and I were fighting because she was cheating on her boyfriend with my guy best friend who was also her boyfriends best friend. I couldn't stand to talk to her anymore and we fell apart. By this time I was completely alone. Every day after school I would slip home and fall into a coma of tears. The depression attacked me so hard I began to cut myself again and again with bobby pins. I was still involved in church at this point but I wasn't encountering Christ like all the people around me. At this time my church began to start a book series about the prodigal son.
If you don't know the story its about a son who asks his father for his inheritance even though his father is still alive. His dad gives it to him and the son leaves and spends it on hores and ungodly things. Then a famine comes across the land and the son has no money so he goes to work for a farmer as a slave and realizes that he is getting paid less than what his own father payed his servants. He then decides to return to his father's house and beg to be a servant. Although when he gets there his father runs to him and hugs him and throws him a party because his son has returned.
Throughout this entire series we were analyzing this chapter and the significance in life groups. I was in one and didn't speak often. I did relate significantly to the story though, I was trying to go to God or the Father for my depression but I wasn't getting any response. I was really frusterated. Then one night a member of the group brought a song. It was "Hold my heart" by Tenth Avenue North. This song hit home. It was exactly what I was feeling, I was crying to God and I just wanted him to say my name.
That night when I got home I cried like usual and around 1am I was listening to Hold My Heart on repeat. I got so frusterated with God that I decided to take my own life. I convinced myself saying if I killed myself I could be in heaven and all this pain would be over. So I walked out to the kitchen and grabbed a knife, I prayed to God and just as I was about to thrust the knife into my heart, I heard my name. It was a voice I had never heard before. I called out to my parents to see if it was them, but no one answered. At that moment I knew who it was, it was God. He had called my name, MY NAME. I fell down to the floor and began to cry of happiness. At that point my depression had begun to leak out of me, and I didn't need a knife to get rid of the pain, I needed God.
I began to pursue God from that point on, but I still got lost. This is where the second part of my testimony starts in my next post. Here are some pictures of me when I was that age so you can see the difference.
In : G-SUS
Tags: jesus testimoney god holyspirit
I am currently a Freshman in College and hope to one day be an Elementary Teacher.I love the arts and I am in L O V E with Jesus Christ. I attend a foursquare non-denominational church and love it there. I am dating a most wonderful man named Kolten Manz. Yes, we're Franz and Manz. I love blue sherbert from Baskin Robbins and you will almost always see me with a Coca-Cola in hand. I'm pretty simple, and still discovering who I am. You're welcome to join my most awesome adventure!
